Michael Irvin trying to steal The Donald’s thunder?

Does he want a hairpiece of his own? I can’t figure this one out, but more reality show news: Michael Irvin is getting an “Apprentice”-style reality show of his own on SpikeTV. No word on what the show will be called yet, but here’s the basic premise:

The Hall of Fame wide receiver is launching a reality TV show in which 12 “football neophytes” will compete for an impressive grand prize: a spot on the Dallas Cowboys’ training-camp roster.

I know, I know — it’s about time the Playmaker got his own reality show, right? But I hate this premise, because it’s been way too overdone, and you won’t get to see the real Michael Irvin, like you would if the show was just cameras following him around for his day-to-day activities, like with Bobby Brown or Anna Nicole Smith.

No, all this is going to be is Irvin posturing and trying to be like The Donald. Bor-ing! It’s only funny when The Donald postures and acts like he’s God’s Gift to humanity.

Did you hear the story about Irvin talking Cowboys football with someone who tried to rob him at gunpoint, and then the guy just left? Now that is worthy of a reality show. Or maybe they can re-enact that incident back in 2005, when cops pulled him over on a warrant and found a pipe in his car, which Irvin explained belonged to his brother and he was going to throw it away, but just forgot about it.

The other angle of interest with this show is the contestants are supposed to be six wide receivers and six defensive backs, so I guess they can get some pointers on taunting techniques. Like I care, though. The only thing that will make me watch this dumb show is if The Donald showed up at the end and fired Irvin personally.

Irvin hosting reality TV show to win roster spot on Cowboys [AP]

Trash Of Love TV Picks: Hell’s Kitchen Season Five, You Donkey!

Before I get to our main subject, here’s three other current shows I’ve been watching but not feeling enough to write a whole post about any single one of them:

The Real World: Brooklyn — Sorry, doesn’t hold a candle to the three prior seasons, because so far, they’ve gone way too overboard on the bleeding-heart coming-out-of-the-closet drama. Oh yeah, there’s also a “bromance” between a former Iraq War vet and a scarf-and-eyeliner wearing Mormon who claims he’s not gay. Not enough drunken roommate hookups, although since one of the castmembers is a he-she, I’m not sure I want to see any hookups.

On the plus side, it’s kind of funny people in Brooklyn are calling the show “Fake World” to the castmembers’ faces.

Tool Academy — Great concept for a show: make up a new “charm school” for lecherous guys who cheat on their girlfriends, give themselves nicknames like “Mega,” “Celebrity,” and “Matsuflex,” and then try to turn them into good boyfriends…but so far, the execution of the show leaves something to be desired. Not great, but not bad either — something I definitely have to watch more of.

Celebrity Rehab Presents Sober House — Celebrity rehabbers from the first two seasons of “Rehab” have now transferred to sober living to cope with their addiction issues. But come on — Mary Carey, Shifty from Crazytown, and Steven Adler trying to sober up in the same house together — that has about as much chance of happening as monkeys flying out of my butt, and that’s not even counting Adler eating heroin in the house already. I’m sorry, but this is just sad to watch — apparently, these washed-up “celebrities” will do anything to stay in the public eye, before they OD.

And now, onto the good stuff…and by good stuff, I mean my favorite cooking show in the free world…

HELL’S KITCHEN!!! [Complete Cast/Bios]

You donkey!!! Holy freakin’ crap on a stick, do I love this show! And from what I’ve read, Ramsay has signed on with FOX to do at least three more seasons, along with two more seasons of Kitchen Nightmares and another show in the works called “Man Camp.” Awesome.

You can tout your Idol all you want, but Hell’s Kitchen is way better in my opinion, because it’s basically like a season-long version of Idol auditions, and Ramsay is 15,000 times more nasty than Simon on his worst day. Plus, it’s funny to see the aspiring chefs try way too hard to impress Gordon, like the guy on the last season who cooked a hen in a pumpkin! I mean, seriously, I’m far from being a chef, but what was the thought process behind that dish?

Anyway, if you go on the FOX Hell’s Kitchen website, you’ll see all the bios on the contestants for the upcoming season, which premieres next Thursday. My favorite is Danny — judging by his picture, Danny’s a huge redneck, so it will be fun to see what Ramsay thinks of him.  Check out his bio:

Danny calls himself a redneck that hunts, fishes, and doesn’t care what people think of him. At just 23 years old, Danny has already proven himself in the kitchen, winning the hearts and stomachs of his customers. This self-proclaimed ladies man feels he’ll run circles around anyone and is not afraid to go after Chef Ramsay.

Again, I can’t wait for the ensuing confrontation!

I’d like to pick a winner for this season, but you know what? Who cares! The winners never end up cooking in a Ramsay restuarant anyway. You think he wants a guy who cooks a hen in a pumpkin to cook under him? So the real winner is Gordon Ramsay himself, because he never fails to entertain the ever-loving crap out of me. As further proof, below is a link that contains the “Oh My God” commercial that ran on FOX last week. 14 seconds of pure angry blistering Ramsay! So enjoy, take that blackberry, and shove it up your ass!!!

The ‘Oh My God’ Commercial for Hell’s Kitchen: Season Five [Eat me daily]

Supply of chicken wings running low? Say it ain’t so, Buffalo

I guess the economic downturn (since economists seem adverse to calling it a depression) has affected even the most basic of sporting snacks essential to enjoying football on TV. That’s right, there’s a buffalo wing shortage, folks.

I know, how dare they suggest such a proposition, huh? Prices on those tasty snacks, due to low supply and high demand, have gone through the roof, prompting some restaurant owners in Buffalo (like the guy pictured above) to call for a one-day boycott of chicken wings.

I can see it now — the CEO of Buffalo Wild Wings in front of Congress, asking for a cut of the bailout package. Priceless.

Supply of chicken wings running low [WIVB]

The path of the righteous quarterback goes over the Chosen One Peyton Manning

I mentioned in an earlier post Kurt Warner’s updated possible Hall of Fame resume after his Cards beat the Eagles, so the folks at Cold Hard Football Facts (through SI.com) wrote a whole article on the subject, going as far as to proclaim Warner to be a better QB than…*gasp*…Peyton Manning?

Could it be, someone out there dares make such a statement? Oh hell yeah:

Kurt Warner did more than lift the historically dysfunctional Cardinals franchise into its first Super Bowl on Sunday. He also lifted himself past the Chosen One, Peyton Manning, to right behind Tom Brady on the list of the best quarterbacks in the NFL today.

The real kicker is when they compare playoff statistics:

Warner in the postseason (10 games):
230 of 360 (63.9 percent), 2,991 yards, 8.31 YPA, 299 yards per game, 23 TD, 12 INT, 97.3 passer rating.

Manning in the postseason (15 games):
348 of 565 (61.6 percent), 4,207 yards, 7.4 YPA, 280 yards per game, 22 TD, 17 INT, 84.9 passer rating.

And they also bring up my point about Warner’s accomplishment of taking two crappy teams to the Super Bowl:

More remarkable is that Warner has done it with historically dysfunctional organizations. Before Warner took them to the big game, the Rams had reached just one Super Bowl (XIV) in their history, including their time in Los Angeles. Warner led the franchise to its only Super Bowl victory and to its first NFL title since 1951. The Rams have fallen off the face of the earth since he left.

Reaching this year’s Super Bowl with the 9-7, defensively deficient Cardinals is nothing short of a miracle. The Cardinals are easily the worst franchise in league history: they had won just two playoff games in their first 88 years of NFL football. Yet they’ve won three playoff games this month alone, and they head to the Super Bowl with what’s easily the worst defense (426 points allowed) of any conference champion in league history.

I love it when other people prove I’m right for me.

Cold Hard Football Facts: Why Warner is better QB than Manning [SI]

Aussie Open gossip dish post

Now, I know in the midst of all the other things going on in sports, like say Super Bowl hype, there’s about three of you out there following the Australian Open, and that includes me. Oh yeah, and one other person — Georgina Chang of ESPN Star.

Didn’t think you could find juicy celeb-ish gossip from a tennis court half a world away? Well, Georgina has, and sat down with the Inquirer, to tell you all about it, because inquiring minds like me want to know, as follows:

• Maria Sharapova is pretty much a cold-hearted bitch
• Ana Ivanovic talks a lot
• Rod Laver loves Rafa Nadal’s left hand
• Radek Stepanek (pictured above) somehow scores babes like Nicole Vaidisova — yes, that fugly bastard — so that brings hope to all ugly guys out there
• Lleyton Hewitt hates the American media
• Andy Roddick hates anything that’s not the American media

There’s lots of other OMG talk of fashionable attires, perky butts, and the meaningful answers to questions posed to Serbian and Croatian tennis players. In general, a most profound and deep article about the goings-on behind the scenes of the first tennis major.

And yes, this counts as sports.

Tennis beyond the grit, into the glamour [The Inquirer]

Bedroom antics at the Clemens house

Admitted steroids daler Kirk Radomski believes ex-Roger Clemens trainer Brain McNamee’s story over Roger Clemens regarding steroid use, and in the process revealed some juicy details about a possible bizarre ‘Roid/love triangle that would make Paris Hilton sweat needles.

“If Brian was such a bad person why did Andy Pettitte back him Why did Chuck Knoblauch back him? You let a guy you don’t trust and you don’t respect stay in your house, and be around your family. And be around your kids.

“He admits his wife got a shot [of human growth hormone] in the bedroom. Think about this, he let someone go in a bedroom with his wife and inject his wife. And you didn’t trust the guy? If he didn’t trust the guy, he would have knocked the guy out. That would have been it. But he let him do it. What does that tell you?”

Oh Lordy, I hope a hot beef injection wasn’t involved, for Roger’s sake.

And guess what? Kirk is jumping on the Canseco bandwagon, releasing a book of his own detailing his ‘Roid-dealin’ days, entitled “Bases Loaded.”

That’s what she said.

Radomski backs Clemens, not McNamee [ESPN]

Steelers are steel men, and will scrush them, Good News!

For more of China’s overwhelming support of the Steelers, check out gavininchina’s You Tube channel. Genius stuff.

Can you believe it?

The Arizona Cardinals are in the effing Super Bowl.

Yes, I picked them to win, but I’m not going to believe it until I see the opening kickoff of the Big Game, which looks like — although it’s still early — it’s going to be against the Steelers rather than the Ravens.

I think Eagles’ fans might have a slight beef, though — to me, it looked like the refs could have called PI on McNabb’s last incompletion, but there was so many other great opportunities he missed throughout the rest of the game.

I know people have been touting this game as make-or-break for Donovan McNabb’s Hall of Fame chances, but um, did you see that last drive by the Cardinals? Doesn’t Kurt Warner and his recently updated track record qualify for Canton? I’m just saying…taking two historically crappy teams to three Super Bowls is pretty damn good — and it’s two more than media darling Peyton Manning has been to.

Anyway, congrats to the Cards and their long-suffering fans. The only thing you can hate on Bill Bidwill for now is that stupid bowtie he wears.

Cards stun Eagles 32-25 [AP/Yahoo]

You are the “U” in UFL, says Michael Huyghue

A most interesting blog post from the UFL Commish himself came out yesterday on the UFL main site, and I sort of view it as Huyghue’s version of the old Mark Cuban theory on how demand is big enough for two fall football leagues.

Towards the end of the post, Huyghue mentioned once again how the UFL will be a league that really cares about what its’ fans think and will consult with them on a lot of decisions.

We will be offering an IPO structure where fans get to own a piece of their team.  This isn’t a cosmetic stock certificate but real shareholder equity.  Our fans will be instrumental in selecting our team nicknames.  On controversial decisions, like whether or not to bring Michael Vick into the UFL, we will rely on online fan-voting on our official website. Fans will influence some of the innovation in rules that we will employ (i.e. field goals over 50 yards are worth 4 points). We will use technology to bring the fan closer to the game. The coach-to-QB communication system is designed to bring fans right into the huddle and on the line of scrimmage. You’ll get an opportunity to follow your team into the locker room at halftime to finally get the true behind-the-scenes footage never shown before.

This last sentence scares me a bit — remember the old XFL and their failed experiment showing what goes on in halftime locker rooms? This is why we have NFL Films highlight shows, fellas, because in most cases, the halftime locker room pep speech isn’t really all that interesting.

I do like the idea about 4-point 50-yard field goals, though. What would be really crazy for them to do is to make ALL field goals into drop kick or free kick situations, kind of like rugby rules, which could put all kinds of possiblities into play, like 75-yard field goal attempts and the like.

Another rule I think the UFL should enact is get rid of kicking for the extra point. That is the most useless and unexciting play in football. I say, either make teams run a play for the convert, or just give them 7 points for a touchdown and do away with the kick.

Anyway, an interesting must read, and hopefully the big announcement (teams, owners, etc.) will come soon.

UFL’s success depends on you [UFL Football]

NFL Title Games — “The Gauntlet” Revisited

If one takes a brief look back at my Gauntlet-infused NFL Playoff predictions, you can see how totally wrong I was about most of the teams playing on Sunday, excepting the Eagles. But as far as the games themselves go, I’ve got 6 out of 8 correct. So forget about that part where I had the Colts winning the Super Bowl, and let’s pick this weekend’s contests, bro.

Eagles (+4) at Cardinals: I know I picked the Eagles to go to the Super Bowl, but here’s where I’m going to totally flip flop on that original pick — I like the Cards to pull this one out, for a few reasons, one being I think all the pressure is on the Eagles, because of their prior track record in NFC title games. As good as the Eagles D is, you have to think the home crowd and warm temps will be great factors for the Cardinals offense to move the ball against that great defense. They have nothing to lose, no one expected them to make it this far, and Kurt Warner is hooked up to the rejuvenation machine with a vengeance.  Plus, we are bound for some kind of Andy Reid coaching meltdown that affects the outcome of the game, since that hasn’t happened in a while.  So I’m going against the public grain once again: Cards win 36-33.

Ravens at Steelers (-6): The proverbial wisdom is it’s hard to beat the same team three times in one season. But let me tell you, Confucius himself couldn’t figure out the happenings of this particular NFL season. And like it or not, but come crunch time, the Steelers have gotten it done time after time. But…just to cover my butt, I’ll take the Ravens to cover in a bloodbath of a game. Steelers win 16-14.